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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Saturday, July 31, 2010

I don't know if I'm thinking sreight or just freaking out!
I'm weighing all my choices and for some reason I keep coming to the conclusion that I don't wanna go.
I sound cowerd and stupid to myself,but I'm so panicking about living alone,about being away from my family,something is telling me I'm gonna be broken.
When I first applied for the scholarship I was convinced I'm not going,but I applied anyway just to see where this may go,and where my place is in spanish,and now it feels like I'm forcing myself to think that this is my best choice,well what if it's not?!what if it was better for me to stay??
I've prayed estikhara over and over again,I wish god could give me a clear sign!I wish someone would force me to do something..anything!
Very cowerdly I'm saying:I don't wanna go but I need someone other than myself to blame about making the decision!!!
Somebody shoot me.

4 comments:

Dr.Mohammed said...

well, you will never know,until you are actually there! but remember; change is a good thing sometimes,all of us need to change something sometime, and you are going to new place, new people, so i think its a good time to know yourself a little bit deeper, and to know what you are capable of .

its not scary at all !! its fun! try to enjoy it!

Rain said...

it sounds so easy but it's not!!
i can't live by myself in a whole new society new culture new people!!the friends i'm going with are great but they are not my family
i don't think it's gonna be fn for me
i think i'll apologize tomorrow en sha allah

Haitham هيثم Al-Sheeshany الشيشاني said...

I say go 4 it! I know u took yr decision (next post) bas juuuust do it! Pros are way more than the cons, blv u me :)

Rain said...

this is a bit late! lol
i already said no and i'm glad i did,i feel good about my decision el 7mdellah :)
thnx for the advice though!