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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I am terrible at looking through people,I do not have that "I can-read-your-mind-through-your-eyes-ability".
I am rational though,and I usually try not to let my feelings take the decision about the person I'm taking the impression from,and I might be judgmental at times,but I do try to give them one more chance.
Today I was forced to be in the center of a first class cliché-situation,and my object was to take a look and JUDGE...just like that 0_O
Everyone started asking me what I saw and how I felt,I was like : "Nothing!" I do not know what I'm supposed to think now,especially that everyone-in spite of the choice being only mine and me being the center of the issue- is trying to affect my impression or force their perspective on me.
It doesn't really matter after all,at least for me,but I have the feeling that...no matter what,and no matter how independent I will be(or try to be) in my life,I will never be truly free with my choices unless I block the voices around me,because when the consequences happen,no one will take the blame but me.

By the way,I do not know-yet-what to do or what to think,but I could not be more indifferent about it...I can't help it,I cannot seem to be able to give a damn about anything anymore.
Is that terrible?am I going insane?


Abu Zaina said...

I Don't Know If You Are Going Insane Or Not , But Definitely Its A Terrible Thing At Your Age (Or Any Age Actually).

You Need To Re-Arrange Things Soon I Guess.

Haitham هيثم Al-Sheeshany الشيشاني said...

raino! I re re re re hate yr blog these days! (or my connection,,,lol) I just wrote a "jareedeh" o it didn`t get posted :'(

here we go again!


Relax! U r not insane "yet!" :P , said the semi-sane sheeshany :)

No 1 can abide by the rules/principles s/he sets, not always! We live in a society (society being a loose concept here), we can`t use what we blv in as lighthouses even if we wanted to! if one gets away with being 80% "80! try 50%" in consistency with what s/he blvz in, and can aply that 80% of the time, then it`s a miraculous achievement!

U r OK rain :) , "ok = very very good" by being so <===> u :)


Saleh said...

Don't worry. It happens all the time. In fact you will discover that most of the time there is no "real" free will of choice unless you really get rid of everything around you which is practically impossible 9at least in our society). Just try to ignore as much as you can those factors. Try to choose what you think is right for you as much as possible. As you said at the end of the day it is your choice and you will be responsible for that choice.

May Allah be with you in all your choices.

Doomish said...

You are not insane for sure, however I don't know if you are terrible or not :P

Everyone reaches the tipping point every once in a while, and we start to not give a damn...
Then things go back to what used to be, until we reach the tipping point again.

Ain't life grand.

Rain said...

ab Zaina,
allah ybashrak bil 5air ya 5al XD
I am trying to change,ed3eeli.

Rain said...

Haithamooo :D
I'm really sorry,bs msh fahmeh 3laik ishy! T_T :'(
ehe2 ehe2
but I'm guessing it's a good thing? *_*

Rain said...

en sha allah I will try my best to do what I'm convinced with,shokran 3al da3weh el 7ilweh!!T_T

Rain said...

Doomish ya sdeeqy elly la hl2 actually mo met2akdeh iza enta fe3lan shab 0_O ,

This is the thing...this is not a phase or anything...I've been like this for almost 6 years now,I rarely ever care about anything!
shekly 3ndy schizophrenia w ana msh 3arfeh :'(

Whisper said...

It's nice to benefit from the experiences of those around us, but what nicer is to build our own experiences to build ourselves
The problem in our society each one around us wants us to be a reflection of his image

Try to take as much benefits as u can from others experiences wich gos on with ur own point of views and your decisions in your life

Rain said...

That's exactly the problem,everyone is expecting me to be an exact copy of them!
But I'm not afraid or worried anymore,if god wants something to be mine it'll come at my feet
he will inspire me to do what's right en sha allah
thanks for the advice Whisper ! :)