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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I've talked about this before I guess,but I wanna talk about it more since this picture gave me a flash back of what I went through not so long ago.

I hope nobody judges me,if you will I'd appreciate it if you would just stop reading and shut the whole window.

Some time ago I started looking into arguments on the internet,believers vs. atheists.
I've always so firmly believed in god,a blind,infinite,absolute and doubtless belief.I could never have questioned him if I hadn't read all these articles and watched all these videos,and then I started "thinking" Some of the arguments those atheists raised really made sense!I was shocked to even agree with them on some points,I found myself eventually wondering..yes wondering if all I believed in my entire life was a myth!that was completely terrifying It was coming out of my hands when my friend told me to just look for the answer.I've always believed that whatever you're looking for...you'll find it,so I started looking for god.

I read a lot,especially on websites.I watched videos on YOUTUBE,I noticed gradually that there was two different kinds of atheists.

1-They decided they were non-believers before they thought about it,or at least,in their search they were not looking for god,they were looking for the easier way,the one that would relief them from the thought of judgment day..or at least boundaries,they hate boundaries,and that's pretty much the reason they don't believe.

2-They were not looking for god in their journey,but they were not looking for the easier choice neither,they really gave it a lot of thinking,they know stuff! that's why they could intimidate you and make you feel like your case is a losing one,they have their arguments based on facts,studies and numbers,so you don't mess with those easily,unless you know what you're talking about.

There is a third kind but they are not really atheists,they are so to speak "agnostics",now those are tough ones too,they usually know stuff also,and I think they are worse than atheists because being in the gray area is much worse in my opinion,they simply don't know!

After distinguishing these types I started building my argument,I decided I wanted to look for it with my brain,not my heart,and in fact I was convinced,NOT by my own self,but by them!because I realized that when you look deeper into what they say,you can actually understand it and refute it!

That was good,but it was not enough,what woke me up to the ultimate truth was as simple as a slight fever I had,I was sick,and I unconsciously turned to god and asked him to cure me soon,and then I thought:"well,what if he's not out there?what if I'm talking to nobody right now!!" and

That question just depressed me,and it seemed like my mind refused it,and I continued on praying,and I was slowly believing with all my heart again,how could he not be there?that's just stupid!!

How would I live my life if I didn't believe in his plan,if i didn't believe he's choosing what's best for me,if I didn't KNOW all these bad things hide good beneath them,if I couldn't ask him for help and guidance every minute and every hour,it just makes no sense!

We humans are too week to be all alone,we cannot live like that it is just the way we were made,and who the hell are we to decide there is no GOD!

So simply I found god.

I remember once my friend Rachel said to me:"most Muslims I meet tell me they have ZERO doubt in Islam,and ZERO objection over anything in its sharea,and I think they are lying"
I told her that no one could have ZERO doubts in anything,and Islam itself encouraged us to look for the answers of our questions,and that yes,they're either lying or they're just in denial,they are too afraid of coming out from the state of blind belief and into actually thinking about it.

I am glad I came out of that state for a while because now I believe in god much stronger than ever,and I believed in him with my heart and mind with free well not because I was born an Arab Muslim

I know some people would judge me for that,but I believe everyone should look into themselves and think about what they truly believe in and why,because believing in only what others tell you will eventually make you weaker and not truly aware of the greatness of believing.


Haitham هيثم Al-Sheeshany الشيشاني said...


Rain said...

hi Haitham
very interesting point of view,although i'm going to have to disagree with you on some of what you've mentioned but i will take it into consideration!

if you are judging me for this then there's nothing i can say to change your mind,this is me! :)

Saleh said...

I haven't seen this before. Maybe because I would prefer Arabic (I am an Arabic addict person) when browsing blogs. Any way, very interesting topic and I think that you have all the rights to question and try to find answers. The only thing is that if I were you I would try to get the consultation from an authorised knowledgeable reference then I scrutinise it myself before accepting it. You may find difficulties with this approach as a lot of our "sheikhs" (Islamic clerics) are just repeating what they heard or read without any full understanding.

Atheists do always exist. Irrespective of their classification, their arguments are always the same. They just tailor those arguments to fit the era they live in and the receiver of their message. Just go ahead and read the Qur'an.

I am quite sure that everyone of us, who uses his brain, has some doubts at one stage. We are not better than Ibrahim (may peace be upon him) at all. Even himself has some doubts. Just we need to see and understand the whole picture and I am sure that we will reach always to the right answer.

Rain said...

First thank you for not judging me!
Second,I know what you mean I hate reading in English too,but the problem is that when I write in Arabic(and don't laugh at me) I feel like I'm making a drama out of nothing...Arabic is such a powerfull language,if you wanna write something with it,it had better be worth it!I know that sounds silly...I'm silly
Anyway,third,yes I needed a refrence,but just like you said,at that point they all seemed to be repeating the same words,they all seemed to be blindly convinced with it!I know now that it's not true but I couldn't help feeling that way then
But on the other hand,I talked to my friends(my friends msh 7aiallah 3a fekra they are smart)we had long conversations about it,I actually talked to my father(I love his way of explaining things)and finally I decided to only consult my very own rusty brain,and you know what?it wasn't so hard getting back and finding it again!like I've said if you're looking for it you WILL find it..and if you wanna make sure..if you wanna feel god's there,or you want a sign just open the Quran and it'll be there in front of you :)

Thank you very much for that last parigraph!that's exactly what I'm talking about,NO human being is absolutely clear of doubts,but if he wants to reach the point of ultimate belief he has to work hard for it not just recieve it from his parents like a blind parrot!

asfeh tawalt bil 7ky! :S

Haitham هيثم Al-Sheeshany الشيشاني said...

I`m not judging wallah!
I wrote a jareedeh here! mo 3aref sho sar , I`m serious :(

liked what sale7 wrote, really neat.

he spoke "a lot" of my mind.

ywud u thnk I wz judging :) . 7atta law "!" ,, u should knw better :)


Haitham هيثم Al-Sheeshany الشيشاني said...

I don`t want to repeat what sale7 said but just that we do not know all the answers, we need to think and rethink bwt stuff, including our deepest beliefs.
Questioning is an integral part of the quest.
*tht was "mainly" what I wrote "supposedly" in my 1st comment. :)


Rain said...

I'm sorry,I know you're not the type that judges,but I was thinking:if I was the one reading this..I would totally judge me lol...

bs 7ashashet! 2al sho elly tele3 min kol el comment howe "!" HAHAHAHAHA XD

tanks Haitham,and sorry again!