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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Wednesday, February 23, 2011


I bet you have guessed by now that I'm an awkward person..
I'm not very friendly or welcoming to those whom I don't know well,around my friends I'm the complete weirdo that I am,but around strangers I'm more like a tree...a talking tree-not that it talks a lot-,it is really hard for me to make friends,but when I do make them it is great.
When I'm alone all sorts of awkward things happen to me...awkward situations and embarrassing moments..I don't know why,I can't help it I'm an awkward person by nature
It's a gift (-_-')
So with the beginning of my last semester-this semester- all my friends suddenly changed their plans to graduate after the next summer course and they all left.
I sound pathetic when I say it,but I admit it..I'm all alone,and I've never felt so alone in my life...and I'm not even a people person! I love hanging out by myself,but this is too much...I'm really tired of sitting alone,this is supposed to be my last semester..my last days at JU and I'm sitting all day long wishing my classes would finish quickly so that I could get back home.
I hate it when some people that I know feel sorry for me ..and they actually say it out loud!...seriously they're like "Aw,you're so sad and alone,I feel bad for you!" I just hate it,so I don't like to even be seen anymore!
If I had known that my uni life as I know it would end at the middle of my third year I would have had more fun,skipped more classes,enjoyed every minute...
Now I wish I'd cut a class but I have no reason whatsoever to do it,I'm always reading in a book or watching people(with their friends)*pathetic*
And worse than all of that is the idea of graduating alone,getting my graduation picture alone,getting the graduating gown alone,standing in the graduation ceremonies alone....sometime I even think I don't wanna go to my graduation..
I sound so pathetic...I know I'm feeling sorry for myself and I'm not enjoying it,but I really can't help it..
I really miss having friends...I am sorry for every time I said friends are overrated or disposable...friends are important...very important,and I really need one right now...
I just want this semester to be over,I don't wanna enjoy uni and my last days in it anymore that idea expired long time ago in my head...I just wanna graduate and stop being alone..


PS Currently reading:


Good night :)

20 comments:

It's Time to Live said...

Find a smile :) It's Time To Live!

Rain said...

I don't really feel like being cheered up..but thanks..
Welcome around:)

♥Amal said...

I feel the exact same way :-/
It really sucks.

LUNAR. said...

I Dont Know What To Say In Such Situations, Suddenly I Become Speechless.

Once Before My Graduation, I Determined To Skip The Ceremony, But After Being There,I Know That I Would Really Regret It.

Its Mainly A Joy Related To You And Your Family (Graduation I Mean) , Think About It.

About Being "Alone" As You Said, I Think Your Friends Will Sure Drop By JU This Semester, At Least To See Rain , Wont They?

Have A Good Day.

Dr. N said...

(((hugs)))

naysan said...

rain,,, try to mingle with some groups,you are a senior and you sure have a lot of familiar faces around,
they don't have to be your best friends to chitchat with them for some time.

and whatever you do,,,don't miss the graduation ceremony>

EvaLuna said...

beddesh acheerek up , bass at least bass traww7i betraw7i 3ala betek ely fe ahlek elly bet7ebeehom o btotha8y feehom ,, ta3ali 3eeshelek osboo3 zaman ma3 el 3arsat ely ana sakne ma3hom o betseery tgooly ma beddy eshy ger antarek fe 7ali ...

I kno ur feeling -i know that u dont like it ppl when say this 2 u hehehehe - u feel that all faces have no depth , they are all new ant truly disposal ,,, in this case read Quran and be withh the only one who will never leave you ,,, feesh 7all ger hek :) 5ody air hugsssssss

sab7al5air said...

RAIN ONE more :( sorry for you you know i have been there before in high school but i gave up the sadness and feeling sorry after three month in m new school and after all i managed to have one of the greatest friend there for a life time
wish u all the best and think about what LUNAR. said that graduation mainly family event

Rain said...

♥Amal
I'm really sorry you feel the same,I hope it'll be better soon...for both of us ♥hugs♥

LUNAR.
Thank you for the very nice words,unfortunately no they won't drop by unless they have a plane 5a6 Granada-Amman el ojra b 10 2roosh lol
I know graduation is mostly about family but I think my sister is the only one who will be able to come
My dad works abroad and my mom is tired enough I wouldn't want her to come
But I am going..it is important to me although it's gonna be sad,but I feel I will regret it much more if I don't go
Besides my bestest friend is coming and that alone is enough :)

Nilly
Awwwwwww,ma tes2aleeny keef bs your comment made me feel betterrrrrrrrr
7baitak min doon ma ashoofek *smiley mosalsal masry*...hugs and kisses :****

Naisaneh
3ndy mshakel nafseiieh b3eeden 3annek:P,but thank you for the advice..I'll try my best but I think it's too late to make new friends now.


Totooooooooooo
I gotta say you got me there...I feel much better bs 3a 7sabek LOL
I hope things are alright with you:(
Luff you :****


sab7al5air
Welcome to my blog
I'm glads you managed to find a good friend
It's kinda too late for me to make friends since I'm a senior...I'm just waiting to graduate to tell you the truth...en sha allah a new beginning...wish me luck
thank you for passing by ;)

Bullet said...

heik , heik ya Rain ):
Dont feel sad . I'm with you , sitting near you in the class and making joks about the professor! holding ur hand and go together to Cafeteria; eating and get ready for the second lecture...
lesh heik 7bibtee ):
close ur eyes pls
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open them now
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ჱܓ

w7l said...

well I know the feeling of being lonely ! don't worry I'm not trying to make you feel better - cuz I cant . you are the only one who can make yourself feel better !

anyway , I don't have the gift for making friends as most of people , I have only few number of very close friends and I like that, in my first year at college I think I spent first 4 months alone, but after couple of month I knew few great friends that I will remember for all my life , i spent the whole uni years with them , but in my 6th year we got separated , different classes,hospitals...so I knew nobody in my new group , i felt like alien between them ! they talk laugh know each other ,I felt depressed !so I started to think , i could spent all my final year alone , but instead what if I found a great friends in this year ? even greater than my old best friends ? what if I know someone that I will regret for not knowing him before ?! so after the finish of my final year I made some friends who become more closer than my old friends who I knew for 5 years !

so think about it as new personality discovering journey! you will never know what u will find

and don't worry I'm not trying to make you feel better !!

p.s , i think all the bloggers should come to your graduation, by this you will feel more lonely for not knowing the supposedly known people ! doesn't make sense right !

Whisper said...

7abebti....the same thing happened to me,I finished university at the summer semester so I graduated after my friends, at that time I felt very sad, but Al7amdolellah during that semester something good happened to me, maybe I'm a special case-usually I am- but at that time I couldn't stop thinking about this verse
وعسى ان تكرهو شيئا وهو خير لكم

Faaaaaaaaaaaaa be optimistic ya 7elweh :D

Rain said...

Bullet
thanks a bunch for the emotional support,you're a sweetheart :*
But I'm afraid real life is much harder than virtual life...it actually takes effort to talk to people instead of "typing" to them..
enshallah ma bseer ella koll 5air,hugs :*

Doctor,
yai,you have emotional issues too?HAHA..like I always say: yalla club?:P
Nice story,and you are probably right,bs 3a fekra in our department sorna kollna 3arfeen ba3ad 5ls,so there's no point..bs you never know momken elly olto yseer :)
You weren't trying to make me feel better but you did anyway,thnx :)
and as for the graduation akeed kolkom m3zoomeen...w I will recognize you iza lbesto zey mowa77ad LOL..weird funny thought!0_o
anyway 5ls you are invited,so don't miss it ;)

Whisper,
3n jd momken ykoon feiio 5air,bs ana haik bseebny e7ba6 a7ianan
thanks lovely :*

Ze2red said...

I just wish this semester wraps up quickly that you won't notice.

by the way, i'm starting to believe that our name has some effect on our weido personalities :D

PS: i like the switch gadget, and loved the falling petals ;)

Israa Sader said...

AWWW :(( bs not for you , 3la 7ale:P
You got me scared Rain ,I dumbt my friends because I thought they are too not my type and I'm going all alone ...I don't know your post made me really wonder,,,umm is it this bad ? ^_^

Rain said...

Sara,
LOL,you think?does changing our name help y3ny?:P
and thanks,spring is coming...m3 enny msh met7amseh kteer (-_-')

Israa,
I think you will regret it dear,and if these friends are not your type you can find new ones lisatek saneh tanieh
shoofy I'm generally depressed hal ayam so ma ta5dy b klamy,bs brdo keep some friends around,you will need them!

Ze2red said...

El sara7a i don't know to what we should change it. Ya3ni our name in English means "Princess" and in Arabic it comes from "Happiness". and they say a person gets a share of his/her name, how true do u think is that.

la 7assalna the Royal life. And summer is knocking the door, and the weather over hear is full of dust storms for more than a week now.

Rain said...

Susu
So I'm supposed to be a happy princess?LOOOOL ya 7aserty..
Unfortunately no I don't believe in that,my ninth grade teacher's name was ta'3reed,and I gotta say beinha w bein el 3asafeer allah LOL,so no I don't believe in that
Like you said la 7assalna la hay wala hay,I'm changing my name to Za3al...do you know that is like a real actual name in Jordan?LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
How about you,gonna change anything?maybe lazim ykoon la asmana 7essah minna mo el 3ax :P

Ze2red said...

za3al is a real name, 3an gad??? LOL

please please don't change your name to that. Keep your "Rain" nick name, i love it. you bring joy to my heart like rain does ;)

when it comes to me, for like 8 years now i'm known for everyone as ze2red. Even at home my mom is finally accepting the name. It means a small-little-tiny person. And it fits me perfectly. People always say they should stay alert from me because according to the saying "e7zar kol man ektarab men el 2ard :D" and that's me.

Ze2red said...

done, waiting for you to accept :)