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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Friday, April 29, 2011
Now I know love is not an easy thing,you do not just meet your prince charming and live happily ever after,love is beyond that and whoever says it's easy has never truly been in love.
True love is like a delicate plant that you need to nurture and take care of all the time,you need to work hard to keep it alive,you need to compromise and sacrifice things about who you are that's for sure,and only after making that effort you and your true love will meet half way,in my opinion that is love...


But what if the person you love asks for "too much",what if keeping your love means changing or giving up a big part of who you are,would you be willing to convert some of your interests and way of dealing with people to keep that love alive?


I have been thinking about that and I think I wouldn't,I think I would be willing to compromise as much as I can when I meet my own prince charming,but when it starts to be about who I am I'll stop,because I don't think that person loves me for who I am,and if he'll try to change me in that way then maybe finding someone else would be easier and faster...

17 comments:

Devil's Mind said...

I would say, it depends. But in most cases I would say the answer is no, you should not have to change yourself. Loving someone would most likely be an "as is" thing.

My opinion is that when a partner asks for too much, they probably don't really love you. Sometimes people would be desperate to fall in love that they pick some (random?) person, and try to convince themselves that they love that person. In this case, the disparity between the supposed reality and the actual reality would be taunting. So a person might think: "Okay, I prefer people with characteristic X, but my partner has characteristic Y. Maybe if they change that, it would make it easier for me to believe that I love them." - So they attempt to change reality to something that they can reconcile with their supposed love.

I wouldn't say that this is what happens, but sometimes something very similar to what I described would be the reality of what's going on.

Haitham هيثم Al-Sheeshany الشيشاني said...

what - if scenarios make me nervous! sooooooo ,, no comment! :)

Wafa' said...

But the part where one of you gives up on the other is just not as easy as it sounds, especially when you've been together for a while and all of a sudden something has to be changed, they become a habit that's difficult to quit.

Hana said...

u don't choose to fall in love, u don't choose who u wanna love so if s.o ask u to change then he didn't really loves u, maybe he liked something about u, maybe there's similarity between 2 of u but that doesn't mean it's love!! when we love s.o we love it like he/she is , his/her sweetness,kindness,silliness .. everything !! so if u meet ur prince and he ask u to change major things in ur self like the way u dealing with ppl or ur characters or who u r then just remember that he may be not in love maybe u just seem to look gd for him
i talk too much!!

ΣcoŞan said...

that is exactly my perspective of the topic ..
both sides have to give compromises and sacrifices for the sake of the relationship ..
still, one has to maintain his/her own self ..
because, in my opinion, the (himself/herself) was the cause of the relationship in the first place, when someone gives up him/her self completely things will come to an end eventually ..

btw, this can be applied to any kind of relationship, friendship, or even partnership ..

will putted rain .. will putted .. :ok:

w7l said...

I believe that falling in love involves a lot of sacrificing ,from both sides, now how much you have to sacrifice ? This depends in how much you really love each other , some people may sacrifice and change a crucial part of his/her personality or lifestyle , but all this for exchange for something better,more greater, for their relationship, for their love! Is this too much? Hmm...I think the connection between him and her will be way important than small silly things! And they will not even think about it! or about what they sacrifice about, cuz they have something more important .

Dr. N said...

If he truly loves you, he will not ask you to change. A big part of love is accepting that one that you love for who she/he is.

سراج الماضي said...

الحب ...زهرة تنمو في القلوب ...تربتها الثقة...ماؤها الإعجاب المتبادل بين العاشقين... شمسها الإخلاص والصدق، لكن...إذا غطت سماءها غيوم الغيرة...وهبت عليها أعاصير الشك...وتلا قفتها أيدي الوشاة...وداستها أرجل الخيانة...فأنى لها أن تزهر.
==========
هذا تعريف بسيط للحب كتبته وانا في مرحلة المراهقة والآن بعد خبرات الحياة
الحب من أهم شروطه الإحترام المتبادل والقدرة على تحمل عيوب الطرف الثاني، فلا يوجد شخص لا عيوب له، فنحن نحب البعض للوهلة الأولى ولكن مايحدث بعد الشعور و الأنطباع الأول هو من يحدد هل ستتحول هذه البذرة إلى شجرة حب وارفة الظلال أم ستموت في أرضها

وبالنسبة لنقطة أنك مستعد للتغير من أجل من تحب، فهذا شيء طبيعي ولكن يجب ان نتذكر ان الحياة أخذ وعطاء ، ومن الصعب ان تقوم بفعل واحد دون الثاني، وفي النهاية نحن جميعاً نتغير مع الوقت، فإن كان التغيير للأفضل ومن أجل من نحب فلماذا لا نقوم به؟؟

Rain said...

@DM
I think what mostly happens is that people think they love each other,or better yet know each other,they like each other in a certain environment or certain conditions,but do they really know them?have they ever seen them at home...ranting about something,or being obnoxious with no reason or spelling their food...etc,they don't...the truth is people think that if they like someone's humor and way of dealing with others that's it! but there's more to it than that,and when they live together or become closer they start to notice these things...these little things that actually make you who you are,and they start to try to change you because they wanna match you with the image they have in mind...I think that's mostly what happens.

@Sheeshany
OK

@Foof
You're right,but still for me it's better than staying with someone who doesn't love for who I am...

Rain said...

@Hana
I strongly disagree with you on whether you choose to be in love or not,I think love should be a rational decision with lots of thinking before it,you don't just think someone is cute and bam!you're in love!! I think love should be wise and built on solid basis rather than crazy and unexpected,but the rest on giving up who you are I agree with :).

@EcoSan
Exactly,and loving someone else that will fit their standards is just easier!

@Doc.
But their relationship and love was built on what they truly are...why try to change it?when chaining your relationship like that it's just a matter of time until one of you decides to break free
Like I said sacrifice is a must in every relationship,but not when it comes to sacrificing your mentality.

Rain said...

@Nilly
Exactly :)

@سراج
Nice words,and change is mostly good not bad
Thank you for stopping by.

Becky said...

I agree with many of the other commenters, if the person you love asks you to change s/he doesn't really love you.

Of course there's a difference between asking someone to work on something (like being a little tidier) or making compromises (taking turns in deciding acitivities for example, or compromise in how clean you want your place to be) and then asking someone to change something that is a fundamental part of who they are and their beliefs (such as religion or anything else you think is intricately a part of who you are).

Rain said...

Exactly,there's a limit to everything :)

Devil's Mind said...

I agree with the reply you gave. It is something that commonly happens. However, there is one theme in common here, which is projecting your own perceptions of what a good partner should be, onto the person you are with. Something that I find objectionable in most cases (but not all).

I know that I am a little odd, but I don't see how people can fall in love in an impersonal environment like work, school, or social gatherings. If you don't know how they eat, sleep, how clean their room is, and how they deal with everyday life... You don't really have much to form an opinion about the person, let alone love them!

Rain said...

That's not odd you're right

Aseel said...

loved and fav'd the post.. think of it this way, if that person asks you to change so many things about you, you will no longer be the same person he fell in love with in the first place, and eventually, he'll leave and you will be a stranger to yourself with a broken heart. A friend once told me "in life, relationships are complicated" and she is right.. they are far from being simple and love certainly, cant be easy. thats why they call it "falling" in love. its a fall. a good fall sometimes and other times a really lousy one. allah ewa22e3na wa23at mne7a. Ameen

Rain said...

Aseel
Welcome to my blog,nawarty :)
You're completely right,w ameen ya rb:)