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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

EDIT Please read the whole article before commenting!:/
EDIT 2 oh yeah...I'm telling this story to let you know people that I'm getting marriage proposals!!looool
Get a life :)

This is an attempt of me to figure out whether I hate or love being an Arab;being born in this society in particular,I've thought of posting every idea I have on it in a different post and see what I have after a while..

Caution,this post might make you sick..

10:00 pm,the door bell rings,a woman is at the door talking to my mother,she is asking here if there are any "girls for marriage" in this house,my mom is a bit shocked,so she asked her what they were doing there,just going around houses asking for girls' hands?? the woman said he precious boy saw a girl coming in the house earlier that day,my mom didn't buy it,but talked to her out of curiosity+ courtesy.

The Next day my mom was talking to our neighborer and found out this woman and her son were at this neighbor's house to "see" her daughter,the woman was apparently shopping for a girl!!
Two days later the woman calls again and talks to my mom,my mom just threw it in her face and told her she knew they came to our house after another one,the woman had the enough audacity to ask my mom not to tell our neighbor,and not to judger her!!!! LOL

The point here is not to be made about this woman,she was obvious in what she did and that is what you don't see a lot,what you see normally is people who do that with more caution and smartness,they go around houses to shop for a girl
I remember I once saw a commercial for some food product,the guy and his family were heading  to see a girl,they go to the house,they "like" the girl and of course the food(hence the food product),and as they get out of the house they find out they went to the building 17 instead of 7

The point here again,is that those people are not looking for a person,it's like they're looking for a product,something better than the thing they saw in the other house,the whole marriage is based on a process of "trying out" and evaluating the outer shell.
I am not saying people who look for the girl only do that,girls are shopping too...for richer,more handsome and better products

2 things on my mind
-Is this the ugly truth everywhere in the world we just do it more obviously?
-I am not happy with this,this is not making proud nor happy to be part of this society,at this point I wish I wasn't,and even if that was the ugly truth everywhere I want to at least be looked at as a human from time to time,I wish not to objectified like this for a change,I wish I can choose who can evaluate me and on what bases...
You know..we accuse other societies of objectifying women and evaluating them on shallow bases,are we really better than them?at least they admit it's wrong!
And this is reason number 1 why I'm not happy I'm a part of this society.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
مع إني مش كتير إنفولفد بقصة التصويت لموضوع كل شهر هاي بس حبيت أدلي بدلوي في هاد الموضوع بالذات(ما تخافوش المي اللي بدلوي مش باردة كتير)1

السؤال الوحيد اللي بيخبطني خبطا لما أسمع كلمة تأخر الزواج أو "العنوسة" عدم المؤاخذة هو مين اللي قرر إنو متأخر؟
معلش تحملوني أنا عايشة بعالم زهري شوي و عندي فكرة عبيطة إنو كل واحد بيقرر متى هو تأخر أو ما تأخر بالزواج..أو حتى بده ولا ما بده يتزوج

مش فاهمة ليش هالقصة كتير قالقيتنا و نازلين نعمل عنها احصائات و برامج توعية،مش فاهمة ليش الهدف من حياتنا التزاوج و التكاثر فلما حدا يتأخر أو ما يعمل هالخطوة لازم نأشر عليه و نحكي و نتوشوش

يمكن طلعت عن الموضوع أنا،بس رأيي هو التالي،بدل ما نحكي عن تأخر الزواج يلا نحكي عن ليش احنا كتير قلقانين بهاد الموضوع
قلة كثافة سكانية و نقص في المواليد يعني مثلا؟
أعطوني سبب وجيه واحد ليش هاي مشكلة كتير عظيمة و حقكم عراسي

Over n' out
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I didn't know it was your birthday,so this is me trying to make it up for you..
Happy birthday sweetest thing 

-Our entire lives we've been taught there are two kinds of people,good people and bad people..

-Good people,honest,generous and kind help others,give more than they take,love and forgive unconditionally,and no matter how hard their lives are,they will always get a happy ending,they'll win..

-Bad people,liars,cheaters,cheap sleazy and mean will always be punished at the end,no matter how good their lives get,eventually they'll suffer from the consequences.

-religious people are good,people who don't believe in god are bad,no matter how nice they seem to be,even people who believe,you can't trust all of them!

So growing up with this dysfunctional idea of what is good and what is bad,we naturally get shocked by reality,here is what I have learned about good and evil:
-Believe it or not,you can rarely be able to categorize people into good and bad,there are no two sides fighting for eternity!there are no good smurfs and bad Gargamel! people are mixes of their good instincts and their bad ones,good people cheat,lie and act like jerks sometimes! bad is not a monster we need to find and fight it is inside each and every one of us,and that is what they don't tell you,you have to know for yourself and fight it..

-Good people don't always get what they deserve,in fact,my observations indicate the exact opposite,the more you do bad the more rich and successful you'll be,but of course happiness is a choice,and for most people being good gives more happiness than money and success (I hope!)

-Worst generalizations ever are the ones made about religions,being good and bad in my opinion has nothing to do with religion,it is true that the thought of the after life provides a motivation,but a true good person does not really need it to be good,he is good because it is human to be good!

What's the point of all the trouble I had to go through to find these things out?when are we gonna start looking at things in a realistic way and stop lying to our kids?
I'm just wondering...and blabbing..

Have a good day.

I was thinking about this video -and I realize it's is only related to a social phenomena in the USA- but I was thinking about it and I decided to pay attention and do a tiny experiment on the people around me to find out whether that "problem" is attached to a particular society or is it more common than we imagine(or notice)..
This is not about us copying pop culture or using English words to sound cool,actually,paying close attention I found out it's really rooted,we're constantly needing and demanding confirmation while we speak,that it has become something unnoticeable! the same invisible question marks,the same "ya know?" but like:
عارف عليّ؟فاهمني؟سامع؟ 
ماشي؟منيح لهون؟
It is really rare to find someone not talking this way,at least in our everyday life,people really stopped speaking with conviction! and for us I think it's not about whether we have something to say or not,we're simply so inarticulate,so unsure of ourselves,that we need that nod or whatever from other people to feel secure of what we're saying.
People speak the same way,about the same things,and it's really frustrating and boring if you pay attention,not just because how much ignorance there is,but also because they don't know about it!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
-I'm working on translating a short story,really slowly,but I'm getting there,although I would really like to meet the writer and ask her what the heck is the story supposed to symbolize..

-The other day I went shopping,I found the cutest pair of shoes,so comfortable and chic,so I took two pairs,blue and brown thinking "Those would be perfect for uni." and then later I was like "what uni. 0_O I'm done!"
I'm so in denial!

-I'm getting my graduation robe on Sunday,so excited :)

-I watched Happy Feet for the second time last night,just reminded me of how much it is important to let our children be who they are,we can't all be doctors,lawyers and engineers! some people were meant to be something else! some people have other talents that they're super good at,so why do we have to make them something else? if we let them do what they want for once we might just be surprised.

-I love this Muslim manga:

-I'm getting this haircut en sha allah,although everyone is telling me not to give up my hair,but I say hair grows back,why not try something fun every once in a while

-It's been so dusty for the last couple of days,the weather is unbearable!

-I'm freaking out,I'm so worried that I will not find a job and stay home all useless and lazy,when I stay at home with nothing to do I turn into a monster,everyone's telling me it's too early to worry,I know they're right I haven't even done my finals yet,but I can't help being worried,I hate feeling useless!

-Last but not least,here's a funny video about Jordanians and weather,so true!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011
You would think that someone who writes poetry this beautifully, would write an equally beautiful drama,but think again!
Through this semester we read and analyzed 3 of Lorca's plays at our specific theme in literature class,Blood Wedding(Bodas de Sangre), Yerma, The House of Bernarda Alba(La Casa de Bernarda Alba).
With the exception of Yerma,Lorca's drama felt almost exactly like watching a Turkish soup with my mother,but I guess the problems of oppressed societies are the same everywhere..
I can't deny that his description of settings was amazing,his description of death scenes gives you the chills,and the folkloric poetry and songs gave a beautiful magic touch to the atmosphere of the play,those songs are surprisingly extremely similar to Palestinian folklore  and reminded me of it a lot.
But again,the stories are just...Ugh!
Yerma on the other hand caught my attention,it is a story of a woman who cannot have children,but we don't really find out why,some critics say that Yerma's Husband represents Lorca himself..a homosexual secretly suffering from the chains and rules of the society, it's pretty interesting and very sad,again it reminded me a whole lot of our own society.
I still love Lorca,but the boy was just too messed up,may he rest in peace wherever he is..
Monday, May 16, 2011
و لكن بحبّه يا بابا

Saturday, May 14, 2011
Okay..I know I always say how much I'm a nature person,I love everything about it,I love nature in all its moods,cruel,tender,savage,exotic,simple,amazing...everything!
But I have to say that it is only my mother-god bless her- to blame for my absolute tremendous horror of bugs,can't stand them,can't go near them...can't even look at them without having goosebumps all over my body!
Long story short,I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and call it a day,and BAM! a giant spider is waiting for me right in the corner over my sink,I almost passed out,it was so hairy and huge EWWWW! I started getting paranoid...where did it come from?how did it come in here?has it nested here?has it crawled or laid eggs on my things,my towels my toothbrush...ooooh goooooooooood!!! :(((

I jumped away and out of the bathroom to call for backup,but everyone was sleeping :(
Ran downstairs in light speed to get the insecticide,we didn't have any!:(  I was really freaking out,I started to look for weapons especially after I noticed it was moving around EWWW :(
I grabbed the first thing I saw,wait for it....an air freshener!!!-_-'
I really wanted to save my toothbrush first,because it was near it..

I started spraying it on it as strong and as long as I could,it didn't seem to be affected,in fact all I really did was make it smell like a desert dream!-_-'

But all the spraying did pay off...the spider was too wet with the scented drizzle,and could not walk on the slippery wall...yay,I pulled myself together and snatched my toothbrush...the evil spider was already slipping down...until it fell on the floor...I grabbed the first weapon within reach,unfortunately it was my pink slippers :( but there was no time for second thoughts...I threw the slipper with all my strength at it...and...ta raaaa
It was dead,ew,but at the same time yay!

I found out where it came from,that window will not be opened again for a loooooong time!

I defeated the giant spider,me happy,nighty night 

سنرجع يوماً الى حينا و نغرق في دافئات المنى

سنرجع مهما يمر الزمان و تنأى المسافات ما بيننا

فيا قلب مهلآ و لا ترتم على درب عودتنا موهنا

يعز علينا غداً أن تعود رفوف الطيور و نحن هنا

هنالك عند التلال تلال تنام و تصحو على عهدنا

و ناس هم الحب أيامهم هدوء انتظار شجي الغنا

ربوع مدى العين صفصافها على كل ماء وهى فانحنى

تعب الظهيرات في ظلها عبير الهدوء و صفو الهنا

سنرجع خبرني العندليب غداة التقينا على منحنى

بأن البلابل لما تزل هناك تعيش بأشعارنا

و مازال بين تلال الحنين و ناس الحنين مكان لنا

فيا قلب كم شردتنا رياح تعال سنرجع هيا بنا
Sunday, May 8, 2011
This is my last week as a student at JU,my last classes are rolling away and I'm no longer a part of this society,my life will never be the same again,this is where I decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life,this is where I take the path I want,this is where I'm no longer a kid but a grown up.
I won't be cutting classes,I won't be saving my allowance to buy something,I won't be worried about exams,presentations,homeworks or quizzes..
No more uni. takeout food that I know is bad for me but eat anyway,no more breaks and mornings just hanging out,no more long trips to registration,no more professors offices,no more plays and presentations and activities,no more A..B..B+...No more visits to JU's library borrowing books for months..

At this point of my life and from now on, I'm making decisions that will affect my life seriously,I'm responsible for every step and its consequences..
Wow,I did not expect to be THIS sad! I've been eager to graduate since my 3rd year,but now I'm starring at everything at the uni. and missing it already! The fact that I'll no longer be part of it breaks my heart and fills me with alienation..

I'll miss the benches in front of my faculty,we always sat and took so many photos there
I'll miss my classes,even the boring ones!
I'll miss that street behind engineering where we used to sit and drink Niscafe (Toto...el 3abbarah :))
I'll miss the cafeteria where I once spelled hot tea on myself,I'll miss its tea..its treys,its spoons and forks,falafel and bread,god I'll miss it!
I'll even miss the online exams at Student.com

I know I'm being too emotional about it,but I can't help it,it's the end of a 4 year old era,my heart is breaking!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
A while ago I watched The Book of Eli and intended to write about it,I don't know why I eventually didn't,but I thought about it again the other day because something happened..
Our maid is a very religious Christian,she has such deep faith in God that you can just feel it when talking to her,the other day she was sick,and she was very sad for receiving some bad news,her grandmother had passed away
So she woke up at night and came to the living room where we were sitting,and asked my mother to read Quran for her!
My mom asked her to sit ,and she read Quran for her and prayed.

The thing with having faith is that,it doesn't matter where it comes from,but it gives you power,it grows a deep hidden strength in you when you most need it,it gives courage to move on,consolation to forget and hope to look forward to...and I remembered the movie.
In a future world where human civilization is almost entirely wiped out,a man risks his life and goes through hell to deliver the message of God
In the movie this "messenger" is provided with incredible strength from God in order to go through his journey and save the holy Bible,but I think that sort of super power was a metaphor for the power I was just talking about,the power that simply believing gives you.

Whenever you lose sight of everything you have it to guide you,whenever you're afraid you have it to reassure you
Keep your faith strong and remember it in your darkest time,you just might have super powers you didn't know of!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011

I wrote about this earlier here..and here's why I'm writing about it again...people don't seem to understand that this is a big deal,hell people don't seem to understand what respect is! how could you expect someone who calls you bitch to respect you as a companion,a fiancée,a wife and more important a mother of his children!!

I can't understand how girls are happy being treated that way,I cannot see the reason why they let their boyfriends abuse them so horribly,I cannot comprehend how after a night of name calling you can just forgive him and get back together!! can't you see how low you're going by putting yourself in this situation?how can you think he loves after all of that?

Statistics say verbal abuse turns in most cases to physical abuse,so if you don't care that much about your self respect at least worry about your life,because one day you're going to find out you've put it in jeopardy and for what? for a guy unleashing his psychological issues on you!
Wake up before it's too late..

BTW Verbal abuse is way more common here in Jordan than you think

Since I have to wait a whole week to watch an episode of my current favorite show "The Big Bang Theory",I decided to start with "How I Met Your Mother",I'm watching the first season now and I'm lovin' it! I never thought I'd say this but this is definitely my new "Friends"...it's not as funny as Friends but it has a wonderful story in my opinion,and I particularly LOVE Lily and Marshal,they're so cute and perfect for each other,they're the craziest funniest couple ever,but still nice and mature,makes you want something exactly like that one day :)
So all in all it's legen-wait for it!-dary...legendary! :D

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Translating Arabic to Spanish is just frustrating for me not because I can't do it,I can...but there's this thing with the difference between speaking a language and dominating it,I speak Spanish but I don't dominate it,I can't play with words and expressions,I can't come up with stronger vocabulary even when I know stronger vocabs they don't occur to me easily,I don't seem to have the enough confidence to manage the sentence the way I want,so it turns out just week because I'd rather get it simple and right than strong with mistakes :(
And there's another thing...when I'm translating to English and I look a word up,I can distinguish which one of the words sounds right,or fits perfectly where I want to be,but in Spanish I can't do that,I don't have that thing that tells me clearly which is "more right" and it is frustrating.

I'm doing so well with Arabic-English,English-Arabic and Spanish-Arabic,but Arabic-Spanish remains far now,hopefully not for a long time..