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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

EDIT Please read the whole article before commenting!:/
EDIT 2 oh yeah...I'm telling this story to let you know people that I'm getting marriage proposals!!looool
Get a life :)

This is an attempt of me to figure out whether I hate or love being an Arab;being born in this society in particular,I've thought of posting every idea I have on it in a different post and see what I have after a while..

Caution,this post might make you sick..

10:00 pm,the door bell rings,a woman is at the door talking to my mother,she is asking here if there are any "girls for marriage" in this house,my mom is a bit shocked,so she asked her what they were doing there,just going around houses asking for girls' hands?? the woman said he precious boy saw a girl coming in the house earlier that day,my mom didn't buy it,but talked to her out of curiosity+ courtesy.

The Next day my mom was talking to our neighborer and found out this woman and her son were at this neighbor's house to "see" her daughter,the woman was apparently shopping for a girl!!
Two days later the woman calls again and talks to my mom,my mom just threw it in her face and told her she knew they came to our house after another one,the woman had the enough audacity to ask my mom not to tell our neighbor,and not to judger her!!!! LOL

The point here is not to be made about this woman,she was obvious in what she did and that is what you don't see a lot,what you see normally is people who do that with more caution and smartness,they go around houses to shop for a girl
I remember I once saw a commercial for some food product,the guy and his family were heading  to see a girl,they go to the house,they "like" the girl and of course the food(hence the food product),and as they get out of the house they find out they went to the building 17 instead of 7

The point here again,is that those people are not looking for a person,it's like they're looking for a product,something better than the thing they saw in the other house,the whole marriage is based on a process of "trying out" and evaluating the outer shell.
I am not saying people who look for the girl only do that,girls are shopping too...for richer,more handsome and better products

2 things on my mind
-Is this the ugly truth everywhere in the world we just do it more obviously?
-I am not happy with this,this is not making proud nor happy to be part of this society,at this point I wish I wasn't,and even if that was the ugly truth everywhere I want to at least be looked at as a human from time to time,I wish not to objectified like this for a change,I wish I can choose who can evaluate me and on what bases...
You know..we accuse other societies of objectifying women and evaluating them on shallow bases,are we really better than them?at least they admit it's wrong!
And this is reason number 1 why I'm not happy I'm a part of this society.


yosef said...

لماذا لا تفكري انك وعائلتك ومن تشعرين انهم يفكروا بطريقتك انكم العرب وان من يفكر بطريقة من جاءت تتسول ....!!!! هي ليست من العرب

لا علاقة بكوننا عرب بما يحصل
ارجو منك واتمنى عليك ان لا تحملي الموضوع اكبر من انه عقلية متخلفة وموجودة في كل المجتمعات كما هو موجود عندنا الكثير من امثالك وامثال صديقاتنا واصدقائنا هنا والذين يفتخر الجميع بانتمائكم لهذه الامة
ولا تنسي اننا نفتخر باننا ننتمي الى امة ينتمي لها رسولنا وحبيبنا سيدنا محمد عليه الصلاة والسلام

Saleh said...

Rain Hanim, I never thought that there are people who can go that far in their "shopping for girls". In any case, that is not a typical behaviour that you can generalise. This is an extreme case (unless it is happening frequently and I am not aware of that).

Apart from that (or other) extreme examples, it is difficult to compare nations in the way they do things. It all depends on the "reference" you choose for comparison. Apparently a reference accepted by one nation may be totally rejected by another. Each nation has its own great things and bad things. So I do not agree with you to concentrate only on bad things and derive conclusions accordingly.

Rain said...

1-I'm listing things guys,this is only my first point to make,there will be good and bad things

2-I said it is the ugly truth everywhere not just here,but we do it more obviously

3-my statement of not being happy about being part of this society is not general

4-I said I'm not proud to be part of this society not being an Arab

5-Yes Saleh people do it all the time

6-I'm not concentrating on anything,like I said,each point will be made in a different post

و أهلا فيكم

Hana said...

finally someone talk about this awful tradition!!
yes it is like he's shopping for the best food and it's NOT just about if the woman knocked the door with her son with out appointment, because even if they had called and u agreed to see them u still just a product for them and that why most of the grooms don't ask to sit & talk with the bride b4 he accept!! he doesn't care how she think, he doesn't care if she's stupid... he doesn't care about the most important things that made the life.. he just care how she look !!
and no it's not like that in the rest of the world .. it just like this in Arab world & India!! most of other world the girl & the guy fall in love then decide to get marry .. most of the world the guy doesn't need his mam to chose for him the bride!!!!! most of the world the person is responsible about his life and his chooses, in most of the world no one marry a girl because he should get marry!! or for that matter no girl get marry because she should, in the most of the world ppl have to know each other b4 any engagement!!
but honey because u r an Arab that doesn't mean that the only way to get marry is through this tradition :)))
slaaaaaaami ya 2mr

yosef said...

الله يرضى عليكِ ويسعدك

رغم اتفاقي معك عن قساوة الحدث خاصة على الصعيد النفسي لكن اعتقد ان الجملة الاخبرة
And this is reason number 1 why I'm not happy I'm an Arab.
قاسية جدا ايضا

Rain said...

7bebty enty :*
Like I said I think this is not limited to our society but we do it more obviously
thanks lovely :*

You are right,I edited :)

yosef said...

مرتين الاولى على اثارة الموضوع لاهميته والتركيز على وجود هذا النمط من العقليات المتخلفة والمتحجرة في مجتمعنا والثانية على التعديل لانني اعتقد جازما انه لا زال في امتنا الخير الكثير ووجودك انت والكثيرين هنا ممن يقارعون التخلف ويعملون بكل جهدهم على ابراز وجه الامة المضيء اكبر دليل على ذلك

Rain said...

طبعا في في أمتنا خير،و لا تفكر للحظة اني ممكن اتنكر لأصلي،أنا بحب كوني عربية جدا
بس من باب الفضول بدي أفهم ليش بحب أصلي أكتر،بدي أناقش كل فكرة ب بوست لحاله
حتى بالاخير أقارن السلبيات مع الايجابيات

شكرا يوسف

Hana said...

no, not just us also in India it's like that if it's not worse but u could be sure that there's some guys who think this tradition is old and not good so they decide to look for a bride by them-self but the problem is there's other guys get to know the girl just to spend time and that make it hard on the girls to trust the guys and get to know any1 :S
i remember one time there was this groom who came to me and he said that he agree and called because he wanna talk about maher with out even talk to me in anything !! and when i said i'd like to sit with him b4 anything, i wanna c if i'd accept him or not he was shocked and he refuse to sit with me!! and then he offer that we could talk on phone!! anyway that was reason enough to refuse him!!

EvaLuna said...

I love to see how things turn out with these guys ,,, how lonely and mad they turn to be after years of going home to a woman that simply does not awake anything inside him.

Men tend to say that ''Kol Eniswan bel 3atme'' wa7ad , but guees what? They are not. Each time I sit with a bunch of girls and talk it just hits me how different we are the one from the other , but if a guy enters the room he thinks that we are variations of the same model.

There punishment lays within the boring passionless lives they get to live afterwards ...

And yes Rain , I agree with you , its one of the things that I would rather not talk about in English mshan ma nenfade7 goodam el ajaneb

Aseel said...

Unfortunately, I can relate to that, and much more than that, but at the end nothing should break ur spirit... u know yourself very well and as you said, you have a spirit and you are a human being.. dont ask people politely to give you that proper treatment.. demand it and make sure they know you have standards too.. so, whenever such people knock on your door like that, just dont meet them. even if they insist or impose. Your mother seems to be very understanding and I dont think she would allow such situations happen to you :)

or better yet, if they impose, give them a taste of what they are doing, examine the boy and his mother as if they were products, then say: mmmm, no! i think I'll go shopping LOL!!! that is sooo evil! BTW, a friend of mine once did that and that was soooo funny! her mother wasn't pleased because it was impolite, but my friend knew they did that to so many girls and will do that to her too so to her it was the only way to make that women and her son understand that what they are doing is wayyyyy off and awkward and disrespectful.. i dont object on traditional marriage if thats how some want to marry but at the very least act like civilized beings and present yourselves well and respect the girl..

mmmm, I must say too that you shouldnt generalize. one rotten apple doesnt make the whole tree rotten.. there are plenty of good people out there.. :) inshaAllah you will meet one of them ;)

سراج الماضي said...

قد يكون هنالك الكثير من العفن في العادات والتقاليد الموجودة في مجتمعاتنا، ولا أجد أي عذر لشخص يتسوق للزواج بهذه الطريقة الغريبة ولكن
بعد أن عشت في بلاد الغرب لفترة ورأيتهم خلال حياتهم اليومية وتعاملت مع العديد من جنسيات مختلفة .. وجدت وبكل فخر أننا الأفضل في الكثير من الأمور، ولكن للأسف أعتبر ما نراه من تخلف في حياتنا اليومية هو الابتعاد عن الإسلام والفهم الصحيح للدين

ما ترينه من تخلف يا رين هو عودة العقلية الذكورية القبلية التي حاربها الإسلام طويلاً، المجتمع الذي يمجد الذكر فقط لانه ذكر

عودة الكثير من العادات البغيضة التي لا تمت لديننا بصلة بل هي من التقليد الأعمى لمجتمعات آخرى وللأسف نحن دائماً نأخذ أسوء من الشعوب وليس العكس،كما أن تأثير الإعلام الغربي قد جعلنا كأنصاف بشر فلا نحن بمسلمين ولا نحن بغير مسلمين

قد تكون هذه المرأة غير متعلمة وتظن أن هذه الطريقة هي أفضل شيء للبحث عن فتاة تصلح لأبنها، لا ابرر لها ولكن ابحث لأخيك عن عذر ولا تنتقد فقط

نعم في الغرب قد يتزوجوا لانهم يريدون الزواج ولكن بعد ماذا؟؟؟ بعد أن يكون قضى حياته بالطول وبالعرض ولم يعد يريد سوى ان يستقر لأنه ملّ التنقل من فتاة لثانية، ولعلمك أعرف الكثيرين يبقون على علاقات كاملة واسرة ,اطفال بدون زواج خوفاً من الطلاق الذي يعتبر لعنة على الرجل في دول الغرب لأن الزوجة تحصل على كل شيء

نعم قد يتزوج الرجل في الغرب ولكنه لا يكون أبداً اول شخص في حياة زوجته وهي كذلك بل يكون الكثير مر على الطرفين، نعم لا تتدخل الأسرة في زواج الشخص هنالك وهذا لأنهم أصلا تركوا أسرهم منذ زمن بعيد ويعاملوهم كالأغراب

عرفتي لماذا أفخر من هذا المجتمع على الرغم من كل المساويء التي فيه، وأكرر أني لا أوافق على هذه التصرفات ومع محاربتها ونشر التوعية ضدها ولكن لن أفكر في لحظة أنه المجتمع الغربي أفضل منا على الرغم من الكثير الأمور الجيدة فيه

وآسف على الإطالة

Ze2red said...

and here goes another girl somewhere other than where i live hates the whole concept of "Shopping for a girl" & "Middle eastern Blind dating - aka. gawaz salonat"

bs did u know it works out with lots of people, bs looks like it's not us :D

مياسي said...

يلاااا أهي "جوازه والسلام"

وبالآخر وبصراحه شديده الزواج عباره عن عرض وطلب لا أكثر بس أساليب التعبير بتختلف

مثلا أعرف طبيبا اختار أن يتزوج من جامعية في سنتها الثالثة وتدرس تخصص علمي عادي وذلك لأنه لا يريد طبيبة ويؤمن أنه سيشكل فتاة من عائلة عادية جدا وتخصص أقل كما يريد
وهو ماض في ذلك فعلا وبكل نجاح

وسلامتك وتعيشي :))

Israa said...

HAHAHAHA ....but no you know I shouldn't laugh...this is serious and painful i really feel 0.o!
Im telling you what we did in university...had o e7na rai7een nsalle 3shan mt2akhreen fl JU o 3nna emte7an , ma l2aina ella wa7de set kbeere la7e2tna o mnzarha ghareeb dkhalat 3l mosalla o 23dat (7dretha mdawme ) o 6b3an el bnat "el 7lwat" 3jboha f23dt tes2al ay sane o yalal 2saf 6le3na sane tanie ...so she said : tb dellone mn wain beejo bnat sane rab3a o khamse :s
anyway e7na ma 2ssarna a3tainaha raqam our other friend o frjainaha sooretha 3l mobile o 3jbtha o she actually CALLED her o a3dat t2olha mwasafat ebnha enno ma fe mtlo...b3dain el mseebe enno dares eshe 3ajeeb o ma bdhum ella DR. aw mhandese!
It was so shocking , i kept asking : tb lae haaaaik b3melo , its so sad, and WRONG
O BS :)))

Devil's Mind said...

I surely distaste that kind of behavior, but I would call your last post's argument: Why do you even care?!

Don't get hung up on what other people do. Even if those people wanted to "gauge" your shopping value, who cares?! If you think this makes you less of a person, you need to reconsider. Their actions don't reflect on your value!

نورنياتي said...

بعرف كيف بتفكري وحسيت بشعورك إنو هاي على أي أساس بتدور على بنات هيك شروي غروي ومين هيه لتعمل هيك مش سائله مين أنا ولا كيف أنا بس بدها تجوز إبنها لأي بنت وخلص ,, وفكرة إنو لو تعيشي مع إبنها رح تضلك تفكري قديه إنتي أي كلام وكان ممكن أي بنت في الشارع تكون مرته ومش فارقه معو إنو يتجوز حد مميز أو إنتي شخصك إنك مميزه وهوه ما فكر فيكي أو بعمره ما رح يفكر فيكي إنو إنت يلي فتل الدنيا كليها وقاتل الدنيا كلها ليوصل لإنتي المميزه بحياتوه ومابعمرو كان فكر بغيرك ,, كونك إنتي أنثاه إنتي نصو المميز إنتي مرته الوحيده وإنتي يلي إختارك وإنتي يلي إخترتيه بعد تفكير وتدارس وحب وتبادل فكري وعاطفي ومستوى معين

أنا هيك بفكر وأنا بدي حد يعتبرني مميزه ويختارني لشخصي ,, بكره زواج الصالونات ,, بكره مايكون بعرفني ويحكي لأمو شوفيلي أي بنت تكون منيحة ,, وفي النهاية أنا أكون إختيار إمو مش إختياروا هوه ,, بس بعديها فكرة في ناس تانيين ,, في بنات ما عندهم أي شخصية أي تميز أي علامة فارقه فيهم ومابيستنو شي وما بدهم غير ضل راجل مش ضل حيطه والأهل بدهم الستر لبناتهم وهدول الفئتين همه بالغالب بينطبقوا مع بعض هوه بدو أي بنت وهيه بدها أي شب يلبسها فستان أبيض ويطلعها من عذاب أهلها ومن كابوس العزوبية.
بس إحنا مش هيك لا إنتي هيك ولا أنا هيك ولا كتير بنات هيك ,, بس هاد مابيمنع وجودهم ,, مش يعني يلي مش منطبق مع فكري مش منطبق مع الواقع

Haitham هيثم Al-Sheeshany الشيشاني said...

a commodity approach! That`s stupid indeed, and not fruitful.

I`m not making excuses for such practices "did I just say practices!"; but it`s merely the cumulative ignorance and كله نصيب mentality.

It shouldn`t be so.

Good intentions "alone" do not work here, it`s not a quick fix or something like that! It simply won`t work!

Rain said...

I'm sorry everyone for not replying to each separately,I appreciate your thoughts and opinions
I can summarize what I think with what Haitham said
Good intentions "alone" do not work here, it`s not a quick fix or something like that! It simply won`t work!

Thanks everyone!

Dr. Psycho said...

I stumbled upon this post by accident, while looking for something else.
I think the most important and insightful point you make is that things like this happen in every culture, and the main thing that makes this particular kind of "bride shopping" conspicuous is that it is so obvious.

Rain said...

Hi there Dr. Psycho :) that is one old post! thank you for stopping by though, btw were you looking for something like "shopping for gifts for a bride"?

Haitham Jafar said...

No psychos (even non-dr.s) ever visit my blog! :@


Rain said...

bs mshan te3raf

Haitham Jafar said...