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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Monday, May 2, 2011

I wrote about this earlier here..and here's why I'm writing about it again...people don't seem to understand that this is a big deal,hell people don't seem to understand what respect is! how could you expect someone who calls you bitch to respect you as a companion,a fiancée,a wife and more important a mother of his children!!

I can't understand how girls are happy being treated that way,I cannot see the reason why they let their boyfriends abuse them so horribly,I cannot comprehend how after a night of name calling you can just forgive him and get back together!! can't you see how low you're going by putting yourself in this situation?how can you think he loves after all of that?

Statistics say verbal abuse turns in most cases to physical abuse,so if you don't care that much about your self respect at least worry about your life,because one day you're going to find out you've put it in jeopardy and for what? for a guy unleashing his psychological issues on you!
Wake up before it's too late..

BTW Verbal abuse is way more common here in Jordan than you think


Devil's Mind said...

This indeed is a curious and puzzling phenomenon. I have addressed this issue previously on my blog from a sociology perspective. I watched a series of lectures on psychology and this was one of the topics, so I summarized that lecture.

But I guess people sometimes get used to violence if they were exposed to it, especially at early stages of life. Especially, if they observe other people who engage violence in their relationship, and the relationships seems to be just working fine. I guess the cultural influence orients men to be abusive, and women to be accepting of abuse.

Another theory that I explain more elaborately in my post is what's called the "cycle of abuse". In short, the final stage of abuse is called the "honeymoon". That's when the man apologizes for his behavior, tries to make amends, and stuff like that. It is possible that some women get adapted to that cycle.

naysan said...

totally agree....it is not acceptable at all!!!but for a realistic point of view ...some cases are not signs of psychological issues, it's simply bad manners coming from a low culture...they are just used to using bad words like mar7aba!
these cases are more likely to be reformed by a strict attitude from the other side.

Splendid said...

I used to think that verbal abuse was most prevalent in the West, but alas! It's everywhere! Any self-respecting woman wouldn't allow being treated that way!

sfo said...

وإنتِ بتتصنتي عالناس ليش
غضي السمع شويّة


Rain said...

Devil's Mind
This is very interesting thank you..
Can a person really get used to violence?I mean can you get used to being hit?or living a crappy life forever?I don't know
I agree about the culture lessening the importance of this,and kinda gives the man the authority to do it,but actually the west suffers from this more from us and I wonder why!

I don't mean to judge those people,but this "honey moon" thing makes me sick to my stomach!

You're right some people are just used to name calling,but it's the same case anyway and it's abuse anyway,but when a woman reacts to this here in Jordan they say
شو بدك تخربي بيتك بايدك؟
and that is just repulsive

bad is everywhere just like good is everywhere :)

شو عرفك اني سامعيتلي حدا يعني؟

rose water said...

Indeed it is a very sad thing, when a woman doesn't concider herself important enough to leave a man who treats her badly.
And you can indeed get used to living in such a marriage - depending on what kind of psychological luggage you carry with you from your childhood. Many parents fail to make their baby feel secure and loved and later they might fail to help their child/youngster obtain a healthy selfesteem... And those things, among many others, might lead the person to go way too far in relationship with others, just to feel secure or loved or whatever.
If you don't love yourself enough and don't respect your own boundaries, how on earth should anyone else be able to love and respect you?...
And just like people get used to living in a country where gun-fire happens daily (or even war), people also get used to living in unhealthy relationships. Humans have an incredible ability of adapting! :-/

سراج الماضي said...

أي علاقة لا تقوم على الإحترام فهي ليست علاقة من الإساس

جميع العلاقات البشرية من زواج وحب وصداقة وزمالة وبغض النظر عن نوع العلاقة
جميعها تقوم على شيئين مهمين، الإحترام المتبادل و معرفة حدودك
فاذا سقطت احد هذه الدعائم اصبحت علاقة غير سوية وغير صحية وفاشلة لا محالة

التعدي اللفظي والجسدي يهدد أي علاقة بالإنهيار وبصراحة انا لا اجد أي مبرر لأحد بتحمل هذا الإعتداء لا بحجة حب ولا غيره

الله يهدي الناس للخير

Ze2red said...

it's everywhere. people just cover it up like physical abuse. They get used to it and think this is how normal life goes.

observationofalostsoul said...

All forms of abuse are just wrong.. i still can not understand why girls and guys go bk to their lovers who treated them like crap over and over . Maybe they like 2 be in pain and insulted bc then there is o im sorry and i did not mean to say this to you and you know that I love you and i wont repeat that. Then the whole hurt cycle is repeated over and over and one gets stuck in it and can not break free from it

rose water said...


Perhaps you can understand it better if you imagine that the girl or boy who goes back to an abusive partner, has e.g. always lived in an environment (with dad and mom) where this was normal, every day life. Deep inside I'm sure people know what's good and what's bad for them, but if you grew up with abuse, you have learned, that this is how life is or this is what is a part of LOVE...! You can only pray that these people will once break free from the dangerous pattern in their lives... It's a crazy world, I know. And what I wrote above might just be 1 reason, why somebody would go back to/keep living with an abusive partner.
Take care.

Rain said...

@Water Rose
I agree with you that some people come from bad social backgrounds that leave them scared and unhealthy with their relationships,but I happen to witness verbal abuse in more then a case with people who had perfectly normal childhoods,so there isn't always an excuse,I don't mean to judge them or anything but it just confuses me!


That's terrible..

Some people are just masochists tell me about it!

Devil's Mind said...

"but actually the west suffers from this more from us and I wonder why!" - I think this is an error in perception. The 'west' talks about the social problems, they address them, have talk shows, have reports, and all that. All societies suffer from problems, but those problems become more dangerous when they are left unaddressed. Also, abused women are more likely to report incidents to police and stuff like that.

Abuse incidents in the Arab world are not reported, not discussed, not recognized. Sometimes even considered normal... This is classical denial...

Should have commented on this earlier, but better late than never.

Rain said...

HAHA 7baitak w enta better late than never
And you are right :) them talking about it just gives us the impression that they have it more,but that's not necessarily true..in fact even if they had it more at least they're talking about it,we're way more screwed up anyway