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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Sunday, October 14, 2012
I've been thinking about this. What is patriotism? what is the psychological definition and background of this feeling? why would I be a patriot, why would I die for my country? 
Is it a mere feeling of belonging? to what? to a piece of land squeezed between invisible lines surrounding it? if so, then I find it ridiculous, because these lines were drawn by some people to achieve some interests...or maybe randomly.

 Is it a feeling of belonging to people, environment, and certain things you got used to? if so, then you would have felt the same way about a completely different country if you had been born and raised in it, rights?

And why would I belong to my country? as a Palestinian-Jordanian I was told my whole life that I would never be a true Jordanian, that I would lose my opportunities to people who don't deserve them just because they are "native" Jordanians. What did my country ever give me? as a grown up now I see that my country (in its definition as a government, entity, system..) takes away things but it never gives.. and I talk about it in this sense because as I said I find loving my country as a group of people or a land an unreasonable feeling.

My whole life I used to say I love Jordan and would do anything for it, but now that I see and feel this ugly injustice everywhere I feel like I loathe it and wish I would live some place else. I wish I could have a better country that would give me my rights. I wish I could at least live in a country where I can demand my rights without being called a traitor and told to leave if I don't like it here...and by who? people just like me!!
I finally realized after all those years that I hate my country and don't want to live in it. I may be attached to some places and people but I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with what is so called patriotism. I will not belong to a country that does not belong to me.

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