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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Yesterday I slept over at my parents' house. It was so weird, why did I feel so strange? I was so stunned that I was not at all comfortable! what happened, it's only been a month!
I tried to ignore it.
Before I got married, I had left my bookcase at my room, and it was full of stuff I couldn't take with me.. letters, pictures, notebooks, gifts from friends, and of course my books, and I told my mom that I didn't want anyone to play with my bookcase and that I will take these things later. Yesterday I found out that the maid had taken all the boxes and thrown everything in them away! the fan that Rasha got me from Spain, notebooks that me and Takwa have written on, notes, memories, pens, boxes, things that are so important to me! everything but my books was thrown away! I was furious, I asked my mom why did you do that!! I told you not to move them. She said she thought I only meant the books.
I was so sad, I even felt like going home, but my husband was on call and it was late at night.
I went to bed and tried to calm myself down. I felt like I'd overreacted and that it was not a big deal, but then I realized what was making me so sad.. The separation! It was so sudden and violent, I didn't have the chance to prepare! I did not think I would be separate from what I called home for 24 years so fast! I needed a slower and less painful closure, but that was it. The minute that my wedding started, it simply stopped being home for me.
I remember my big sister tried once to explain this feeling to me and I didn't understand, and I told her she was being melodramatic. I do feel a bit like a drama queen now, but every time I remember my lost stuff I feel like bursting into tears.
Oh well. drama is over, moving on..

1 comments:

EvaLuna said...

Wowwww! No one ever put it that bluntly "when my wedding startedit simply stopped being home for me".

I feel bad as well ... sawalefna ra7atttt :(