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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Monday, October 19, 2015
Sunday, October 11, 2015

Monday, September 21, 2015
Needless to say, the last couple of years were most miserable for me professionally, and while all that misery taught me so much more than the joy I had when I worked at jobs I actually liked, I still could not take it any longer, and I resigned last Sunday, because I am just too tired

This post is to remind myself why I resigned without really having a backup plan: I'm always feeling dumb, always hating what I do, always feeling like I want to be some place else, always feel guilty for getting everything wrong, always feel worthless because I firmly believe anyone on this planet can do this job better than I do it, I am constantly belittled and told off.. I lost my self-confidence and I am just sad

Now that I am applying to some companies to work as a freelance translator, I am immediately noticing how my confidence is surging again now that I am appreciated for the things I am good at

I am just so relieved to leave that poisonous environment, I am so glad I finally did it.. tomorrow is my last day and I am not gonna miss a thing.. just look at that shit-hole..

Tuesday, September 15, 2015
I have an incredible amount of work to do, therefore I shall write this post now.

I want to begin writing my bucket list, and will get back to this post and edit it whenever I think of something

- Swimming with a dolphin
- Getting high
- World tour
Monday, September 14, 2015
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Dear blog,

Dear future me,

I'm sorry I am being a whiny bitch, but I'm sad.

I'm sad on a personal level, I'm sad on a professional level, I'm just sad, and I feel bad for turning into a pile of negativity that is growing bigger each and every day.
Today I said something out loud and I could not believe it was coming out of my own mouth, and to a stranger! but it was the most honest thing I've said in months.

I don't know what to do.
Sunday, September 6, 2015
I don't want children. I think I've finally made a decision once and for all. For years I've wondered if I will ever want them or if I'll feel the need to be a mother, and I never did. I tried to pretend, but it just didn't happen.

If I have to explain the reasons, which I don't find necessary, I actually think people who DO want children are the ones who should justify themselves since they are the ones with the decision affecting other people. So if I had to explain my reason, it would be as simple as the fact that I do not feel affection for children, I never understood this magic "motherly instinct" that everyone speaks of, I never felt the need to be a mom.. the only feeling I had toward being a mom was utter horror.

And if I had to elaborate and give a more outlined idea of what I feel, I'd say that I do not want to dedicate my whole life for a child, I cannot see myself running after a kid all day, I cannot imagine giving up my precious alone time,my hobbies, my freedom, and half of my sleeping hours for a kid. I think if I do have a kid I will hate it for taking all my time.

Yes you can call me selfish, I don''t really care. I think it would also be selfish to have a child (actually force it to exist) and then force it to think and act like you. Who says you're right anyway?

I feel so relieved just saying this. I love me ^_^
Thursday, September 3, 2015

I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Dear God,
Why do you let children die like this? And if it's part of your plan, couldn't you come up with a better one?
I remember once watching a scene on TV of a woman explaining to her daughter why she is depressed and wants to change: You know when you're sometimes driving and you get to a place but you have no idea how you got there? that's my how life is.

I feel the same right now. I feel like I just looked around and found myself in a place that I cannot recognize
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Last week my boss for the past 4 months or so finally packed her bags and went back home. She resigned, but even if she did not I don't think the people in charge would have kept her any longer in her position. She is incompetent, rude, paranoid, disrespectful, condescending, unprofessional, inconsiderate, and most importantly a liar who would not hesitate to harm anyone if she gets the chance. I PROMISE I am saying this with complete neutrality and objectiveness, I could not be more honest, my feelings of pure loath and disgust toward her have nothing to do with my said judgement and opinion.
However, what I am about to say next is not one bit objective, and has nothing to do with her lack of competence as a boss.Today I came to work feeling comfortable and at ease knowing that she is not there, and I began to think that I have never felt that way about anyone my entire life: Being SO happy that someone had just disappeared from my life. And all of a sudden I realized that I don't hate her on a professional level, I don't hate her because she was making the job that I already dislike much harder for me, no, I don't care about work enough to hate someone for it, I hate her on a personal level.
Why? she is everything I don't want to be when I grow older: this white self-indulgent selfish lady in her 50's feeling sorry for herself the whole time, wining about everything, being a bitch to people she doesn't even know, being inconsiderate and insensitive to everyone because she is busy with her own self-pity party.

I am so terrified of ending up like her. Lately I have had some problems in my life and I haven't been exactly happy, and I keep thinking that I may have hurt someone because I am too busy with my sob stories, and when you get older you just get worse at that for some reason, what if I end up like that? I am not a people's person (to say the least) but NOTHING justifies being an asshole to everyone. So this is a reminder for me to stop wining and try to be nicer to others. When I am 50, I want to be kind, wise, smart, and patient, not bitter, winy, and poisonous.

Sunday, June 7, 2015
I have just had a horrific realization about my life, I wonder why it took me so long to fathom the fact that I am not and will never be free.

I feel little and hollow, I cannot get rid of the feeling of suffocation and incredible desire to run away, I feel like nothing has meaning anymore, what am I if I am not free?

This is such a waste of time.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
I have at last finished the seventh book of the Harry Potter series, I feel like I have nothing to do now :( I even read all the short stories and articles Rowling released after them, I guess it is time to move on to another series.

I don't wanna talk about the incredible magical effect of these books on me (literally :P), I do love fiction, especially this kind, and I enjoyed every bit and detail of it, but the thing I wanna point out and the thing that most people forget to stress when they read these books or introduce their children to them, is that they are more than adventure fiction books, there is so much more to them. Rowling, so beautifully and smoothly, shed light on so many essential and realistic issues, she depicted slavery through house elves, she discussed racism through pure-bloods and muggle-borns, and most importantly I had no choice but to fall in love with the strong, independent, brilliant female Hermaione was, how beautiful is it to have such a great female character for children to read about and admire!
Second, I just cried my eyes out when I read Snape's story in the book, it was touching in movie yes, but in the book it is simply heart breaking! I've heard people say that Rowling wrote one of the most touching love stories in one chapter, and they were absolutely right.

I don't exaggerate when I say that like Rickman, I will read this story again even when I'm 80, thank you J.K. Rowling for this small treasure you've given to people <3 off to start reading The Hobbit and LOTR :)
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Pretty sure this is one of the best voices in history