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I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.

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Monday, September 21, 2015
Needless to say, the last couple of years were most miserable for me professionally, and while all that misery taught me so much more than the joy I had when I worked at jobs I actually liked, I still could not take it any longer, and I resigned last Sunday, because I am just too tired

This post is to remind myself why I resigned without really having a backup plan: I'm always feeling dumb, always hating what I do, always feeling like I want to be some place else, always feel guilty for getting everything wrong, always feel worthless because I firmly believe anyone on this planet can do this job better than I do it, I am constantly belittled and told off.. I lost my self-confidence and I am just sad

Now that I am applying to some companies to work as a freelance translator, I am immediately noticing how my confidence is surging again now that I am appreciated for the things I am good at

I am just so relieved to leave that poisonous environment, I am so glad I finally did it.. tomorrow is my last day and I am not gonna miss a thing.. just look at that shit-hole..


Tuesday, September 15, 2015
I have an incredible amount of work to do, therefore I shall write this post now.

I want to begin writing my bucket list, and will get back to this post and edit it whenever I think of something

- Swimming with a dolphin
- Getting high
- World tour
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Monday, September 14, 2015
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Dear blog,

Dear future me,

I'm sorry I am being a whiny bitch, but I'm sad.

I'm sad on a personal level, I'm sad on a professional level, I'm just sad, and I feel bad for turning into a pile of negativity that is growing bigger each and every day.
Today I said something out loud and I could not believe it was coming out of my own mouth, and to a stranger! but it was the most honest thing I've said in months.

I don't know what to do.
Sunday, September 6, 2015
I don't want children. I think I've finally made a decision once and for all. For years I've wondered if I will ever want them or if I'll feel the need to be a mother, and I never did. I tried to pretend, but it just didn't happen.

If I have to explain the reasons, which I don't find necessary, I actually think people who DO want children are the ones who should justify themselves since they are the ones with the decision affecting other people. So if I had to explain my reason, it would be as simple as the fact that I do not feel affection for children, I never understood this magic "motherly instinct" that everyone speaks of, I never felt the need to be a mom.. the only feeling I had toward being a mom was utter horror.

And if I had to elaborate and give a more outlined idea of what I feel, I'd say that I do not want to dedicate my whole life for a child, I cannot see myself running after a kid all day, I cannot imagine giving up my precious alone time,my hobbies, my freedom, and half of my sleeping hours for a kid. I think if I do have a kid I will hate it for taking all my time.

Yes you can call me selfish, I don''t really care. I think it would also be selfish to have a child (actually force it to exist) and then force it to think and act like you. Who says you're right anyway?

I feel so relieved just saying this. I love me ^_^
Thursday, September 3, 2015


I long for freedom, and when I get it, I don't know what I'm going to do with it, but I will surely be happy.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Dear God,
Why do you let children die like this? And if it's part of your plan, couldn't you come up with a better one?
I remember once watching a scene on TV of a woman explaining to her daughter why she is depressed and wants to change: You know when you're sometimes driving and you get to a place but you have no idea how you got there? that's my how life is.

I feel the same right now. I feel like I just looked around and found myself in a place that I cannot recognize